CraigslistDisslist

I have to be honest, internet, and be clear about my intentions here.

When this idea was forming (earlier this week), I must say I was excited. I still am, because I’m participating in something I don’t do enough in this town: simply meet people, and then I get to analyze each encounter and babble on about them? I’m into that. This is taking a step into the unknown, which is always exciting and scary.

This is not just a scientific trial to see how many crazies there are out there (though I mean come on, it’s a given there are many many absolutely terrifying people on craigslist, which is I admit part of the fun and absurdity of it all), I am literally looking for a date.

I go back and forth on this internet dating trend to begin with. I have quite a few friends who have had great success using the internet. In fact, just last night, my favorite manicurist (yes I get my nails and feet did – you can’t have funky feet when you walk everywhere) was telling me how she met her wonderful husband with whom she just had a ridiculously adorable baby. I’ve been in love with their love for each other ever since I saw them together. She met him after four years of searching online. She’s beautiful, funny, intelligent, and owns her own business. And she had to go online to meet her man?

I’ve always been one to encourage my friends to do what they think is best for themselves, but I’ve always thought for myself, it’s nice to have a good old organic meeting. Well, guess what, I’ve had those, and I’m single today. I’ve met guys on the subway, in bars, at coffeeshops, through friends, and on that nice segue from the street to Craigslist, myspace. It does happen, though not as often as I’d love to brag.

I don’t want to force anything, but there is a part of me that thinks this might be good practice simply interacting with guys. I have no problem talking to guys, but the truth is, I appear loud and aggressive at first, then get me behind closed doors in a truly intimate situation (like getting to know each other???), and I can definitely shut right up and not reveal another damn thing about myself. I am a pretty good flirt, I have several interesting opinions about various topics that make for a steady flow of conversation, but I have the ability to run away, or encourage the man to bolt with my flighty nonsensical behavior. I know this is confusing, and I want to change it – I don’t want my first impression to be the best thing about me.

So these are the things I know about myself. I also know that last week after going on my first date in months after a painful break up, I went home and cried. I do not want to get back together with the ex – he treated me shabbily, and I let him. I’m still smarting from the fact that I let someone else treat me so poorly, and that there are things I still miss about him. It’s been a few months now, and I’ve been doing a lot of productive things in my time away from dating. I think this is part of the process, taking time to reflect and giving yourself a chance to breathe. But damn, it’s a lil painful, y’all.

So I want to step up and take some risks. I’ve got some stuff I’m dealing with, but I don’t think I’m alone in that. This is just one aspect of a life that I’m pretty grateful for, so why not, right? Do I think I’m going to find the man of my dreams by posting and answering ads on site? I have a hard time thinking that I will.

But I want to have an open mind about this, and be willing to see what happens. But I just want y’all to know, I’m going for it, and somebody might get hurt.